i-was-not-supposed-to-happen

"Because I was not supposed to happen.

We were not supposed to happen. Every last one of us who was raised in a culture that promised abundant life and Godly children and have now since rejected all or part of our upbringings were not supposed to happen. Sites like Homeschoolers Anonymous, with it’s stories of horrific abuse, neglect, and everyday pain were not supposed to happen. We shouldn't exist and our stories weren't supposed to sound the way they do. Not according to all the promises made to our parents, made by our leaders and the authors of the books and the speakers at the homeschool conventions. Yet, here we are."

I was not supposed to happen. Who I am now, what I have been through, the last 5 years of life experiences, the decisions I've made, the people I've chosen to love & make my family...... was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be a joyful, submissive wife, mother of many children, and nothing I've done in the last 5 years has fit into that or remotely resembles what I was supposed to be. My parents made every choice, every caution to ensure I would turn out one specific way. What they failed to take into consideration was that no one fits into a cookie cutter. 

So here I am, left with the overwhelming realization that my life, as I know it, should never have happened- in more ways than one.  Its a nagging reality, a pain in the back of my consciousness. Maybe my next post will be about how to cope with this. How knowing I was not supposed to happen makes me a stronger person. Makes me more determined to succeed. Makes it more poignant that I have no choice but to succeed on my own to feet. Makes me more aware of my own reliance on myself. 

But please, go read the original article.