So today I fond out that the community of people know as "child-free" or CF dont actually believe in a woman's choice to have a child. Once someone decides to be child free, its forever, or the person never was really CF. Just like how Christians claim that those who leave the church never were really reborn, or those that send their kids to public school after homeschooling never really believed in homeschooling, or they washed out. The argument is that a CF who changes her mind makes it harder for women to get sterilized and reduces their credibility.
Women who are CF a notoriously not believed by their doctors, family, friends, and strangers. "So when are you having a baby?" "You'll change your mind". "You'd make such a great parent". (Seriously, dont do this one. Some of us know we wont make good parents.) "You'll regret not having children". "Wait a year". "When you're ready". Even medical professionals dont believe that a woman could possibly make such a permanent decision. But I degrees.
Today I encountered someone who mocked a previously CF woman who had just announced her pregnancy; "I guess she never really was child-free". WTAF?? Are women not in charge of their own fertility? Must a decision be put before ones community for a verdict of the persons integrity or sincerity? Does a change in beliefs invalidate ones previous positions? I say no.
I can't think of any other position where a change of opinion would invalidate the reality of the individual's former opinions. I used to be a bible thumping, born again christian. Now, I'm a whiskey chugging, fornicating atheist. Which is slightly beside the point of this post, but my point is that my current beliefs dont erase the fact that at one time I was born again. I no longer believe in the existance of a god, but that doesn't remove the validity of my experiences *at that time*. Even someome experiencing a change in a morally or legally reprehensible viewpoint wouldn't be told the "didn't actually believe that way" once having seen the light.
Which brings me back to CF. How is it that enlightened women refuse to allow one of their own to change her mind? This narrow mindedness is no better than those who refuse to believe that a woman would choose not to have a child, than the mother who perennially reminds her daughters to give her grandkids. To denigrate and diminish another woman for her reproductive choices-- is not that the opposite of the values we espouse?
I understand that the change of mind, a seeming departure from a collective value, could be seen as a betrayal to other CF members. The pain caused by a betrayal causes some people to try to invalidate the person they perceive to have hurt them. The impluse to lash back out at those who hurt us is part of the lesser human nature. this petty attempt to erase the validity of any formerly CF woman is just that- petty, vindictive, and indicative the darker side of human nature. Which maybe means- you definitely shouldn't have kids.
Women who are CF a notoriously not believed by their doctors, family, friends, and strangers. "So when are you having a baby?" "You'll change your mind". "You'd make such a great parent". (Seriously, dont do this one. Some of us know we wont make good parents.) "You'll regret not having children". "Wait a year". "When you're ready". Even medical professionals dont believe that a woman could possibly make such a permanent decision. But I degrees.
Today I encountered someone who mocked a previously CF woman who had just announced her pregnancy; "I guess she never really was child-free". WTAF?? Are women not in charge of their own fertility? Must a decision be put before ones community for a verdict of the persons integrity or sincerity? Does a change in beliefs invalidate ones previous positions? I say no.
I can't think of any other position where a change of opinion would invalidate the reality of the individual's former opinions. I used to be a bible thumping, born again christian. Now, I'm a whiskey chugging, fornicating atheist. Which is slightly beside the point of this post, but my point is that my current beliefs dont erase the fact that at one time I was born again. I no longer believe in the existance of a god, but that doesn't remove the validity of my experiences *at that time*. Even someome experiencing a change in a morally or legally reprehensible viewpoint wouldn't be told the "didn't actually believe that way" once having seen the light.
Which brings me back to CF. How is it that enlightened women refuse to allow one of their own to change her mind? This narrow mindedness is no better than those who refuse to believe that a woman would choose not to have a child, than the mother who perennially reminds her daughters to give her grandkids. To denigrate and diminish another woman for her reproductive choices-- is not that the opposite of the values we espouse?
I understand that the change of mind, a seeming departure from a collective value, could be seen as a betrayal to other CF members. The pain caused by a betrayal causes some people to try to invalidate the person they perceive to have hurt them. The impluse to lash back out at those who hurt us is part of the lesser human nature. this petty attempt to erase the validity of any formerly CF woman is just that- petty, vindictive, and indicative the darker side of human nature. Which maybe means- you definitely shouldn't have kids.
